Can’t you hear her laughing?

Hey guys, this is a really short piece, your comments and corrections are welcome and appreciated. And please share too, thanks.

 

I pat the hair on my daughter’s head, thick black hair like mine. She looks so much like her father, her small nose and oval face. I run my finger gently across her chubby cheeks and she stirs. In her eyes I see his, glossy still eyeballs peering at me from underneath a thicket of dark lashes. They stare at me with a hardness that makes me uncomfortable.

I avoid her eyes as I lower her into her cradle. The fluffy sheets and tiny pillows surround her like a pink cloud. She looks so peaceful. I run my fingers over her belly and tickle her. When she laughs, it is the sound of a thousand pure bubbles of joy and in that moment, I can imagine that those eyes are not Abu’s, that they are mine, filled with tears of gladness. Her laughter warms my belly and I laugh too.

‘Somi’ I ignore the voice at the door.

‘Somi’ he says again. This time, a heavy hand rests on my shoulder. I turn and see Abu standing behind me. His eyes meet mine.

‘Why are you laughing?’

‘Can’t you see?’ I say, turning back to the cradle, ‘I’m playing with Itseme.’ I tickle her again and she laughs.

‘Itseme is dead.’ He says softly. I can feel his hot breath on my neck.

‘My daughter is not dead.’ I say calmly, ‘Can’t you hear her laughing?’ I take his hand in mine but before I can place it on her forehead, he pulls back. I can feel his entire body shaking.

‘I’m going to feed her’ I say, carrying her out of the cradle.

Abu does not reply me, and as he crumples to the ground before an empty cradle, I wonder why he has lost so much weight.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Can’t you hear her laughing?

  1. I like it. Save a couple of misplaced comas here and there and some fancy sentences that carry no weight, I like it.

  2. for some reason what ever message u were trying to pass I couldn’t just stop crying, I could feel the pain in her words. This is great

  3. The quotation marks are accurate, actually. Only a few mistakes with commas actually. Love the story, please expand on it, I’ll love to read. Good job.

  4. Hi Mimi, I like this. The sentences are very put together and precise, like an artist’s brush on a canvas. I Also like the story’s progression.

    However, I think there is a lapse. The one where he pulls away but she still feels him shaking? What do you think?

    Beautiful, regardless

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s